I’m sure I will come across here like one of those crusty old curmudgeons who rail against the young ‘uns and their oh so inferior ways. But really, there are certain observations that can be accurately made about the behaviors and inclinations of the millennial generation. Millennials are indeed incredibly smart, creative, and passionate about causes, but, (forgive me readers who are under the age of 35—and you watch, someday you will find fault with your children’s generation) and while painting with an admittedly broad brush, I have a bone to pick.
As a baby boomer, my generation took heat from our elders, too. Our Greatest Generation (GG) parents were shocked, I say shocked at their offspring’s (we boomers) propensity for embracing sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll. They expressed dismay at my generation’s love affair with credit cards and acquiring unnecessary stuff just for the sake of impressing their peers, a valid criticism for sure. We boomers tended to be more rebellious and distrustful of government, unlike our acquiescent parents. GG folks rightly derided the climbing boomer divorce rates that eclipsed those of prior generations, a precursor to the tossing aside of commitment that would seep into our children’s psyches. So, yes, there is a tendency for each generation to find fault with the current crop of up and comers.
The millennial generation, i.e., my children’s demographic, have come of age at a most unique point in history. Technology was introduced early in their lives when their brains were malleable enough to easily adapt and enjoy the bells and whistles that came with all that clicking and scrolling. They also lived through the Great Recession as teens or young adults, being fully aware of the economic decimation that impacted their families, their friends, and neighbors with homes being repossessed, jobs lost, bankruptcy filings, and a record number of store closures creating strip mall ghost towns.
The millennial generation is a product of a much more strident political bent embedded throughout their school curricula, starting in grade school textbooks and escalating to nearly wall-to-wall liberal bias among the professors and their teaching materials in college. For this reason, this crop of young adults has absorbed a progressive ideology that now drives many of their choices as adult consumers and employees.
So about the fear-of-missing-out (FOMO) mindset that this blog is supposed to be about…. It appears that there are adaptations that millennials are making, whether conscious or not, that are a direct result of their particular life experience that point to a general unwillingness to commit. Two recent episodes experienced by millennials near and dear to my heart (my daughters) help illustrate my point.
One daughter had invited several girlfriends over for a product party, and 6 of them accepted the invitation. My daughter then went to a great deal of trouble to make handmade sangria, assemble various unique cheeses and crackers, and created dessert for the group. On the day of the party, one by one the friends bailed on her and she was left with the expense and disappointment of a flop. She and her little family live on a tight budget, so this waste of family resources really ticked me off, although I did help her to not waste all that sangria.
A month or so prior to that occurrence, daughter #2 was planning a fun barbeque-type party for her gang of friends. She used my kitchen to make large portions of various salads, snacks, and desserts in anticipation of this party. You guessed it, all her friends ended up making plans doing something else at the last minute. Again, this recent college graduate who is on a shoestring budget spent all that money, and her time, attempting to please her friends and they ditched her.
When I asked the girls why this was happening, they both said the same thing—FOMO. That these days all invitations are accepted, whether the sincere intention to really show up is there or not, and at the last minute they pick the most promising or interesting event and just blow off the others—often without expressing regrets or informing the hostess of their change of plans.
Aside from the issues with social commitments, there are other ways that a lack of commitment seems manifest in this generation. Millennials live in an “endless scroll” world, the process you experience when on a social media site or a shopping site, where a bottomless pit of options await as you scroll into a mind-numbed stupor. This also pertains to the online dating apps, where an endless list of potential hook-ups or dates is there for the swiping. Today’s digital dating rituals are soulless, cold and unsentimental with no real sense of connection to another breathing human being on the receiving end of the app.
Even speech patterns reveal a lack of commitment. Sprinkling their sentences with “sort of” and “kind of” lend a sense of noncommittal partial belief in whatever it is being discussed. An example of this: Yes, I was sort of hoping that, maybe when we go to L.A. next weekend, we can kind of check out that new store on Melrose.” Originating in academia, these irritating non-declarations often are used in tandem with those weird tonal inflections that brainy liberal professors favor, where their pitch rises (with a breathless heave) while pattering away about some quasi-intellectual observation they are sharing with their rapt student audience.
It must be a unique experience, being young in this day and age. With technology evolving at breakneck speeds, the young adults have learned not to become attached or beholden to any particular thing, as it will soon change and betray your loyalty. Just yesterday I saw a commercial for a type of car rental/leasing hybrid that allows someone to pick out a car, drive it for as long as you want, and then turn it back in when you get bored with it. This has millennial written all over it—no need to even commit to a car.
Millennials do not approach their careers the way former generations did, either. Where our parents and our generation tended to value longevity and company loyalty, sometimes spending an entire career at one company or in one field, today’s young adults embrace their own existential evolution, their version of Maslow’s self-actualization. This means they are not committed to any one particular field or company or profession. They are evolving, which is simply not conducive to a professional commitment, and the fear of missing out on something better is ever present.
I feel bad for these young folks. They prefer texting to talking, so close human connections are just not happening. They prefer infinite scrolling through their friends’ and celebrities carefully curated social media feeds to viewing real life, with all its warts and imperfections. Dating amounts to brief, meaningless hook-ups via Tinder or Bumble, and, with a never-ending candy store filled with singles out there, what is the motivation to commit to one special person? A recent gallop poll shows only 27% of millennials have committed to marriage, versus 65% of boomers at that same age.
We boomers may have to painfully revisit old 70s photos of our ridiculous outfits and Farrah Fawcett hairdos, but for some reason it felt like we had a keener sense of who we were and what we liked and didn’t like—with no politically correct police squad judging our every uttered syllable. We could vocally stand for something and back it up with our own thoughts and reasoning, versus force-fed propaganda. We didn’t need cry rooms or safety pins on our shirts on our college campuses, and back then all types of points of views were accessible for our discernment. We didn’t sort of, kind of believe in this or that, we LOVED or HATED this or that with heartfelt relish. Not cool today, for sure. But who knows, maybe this generation’s inability to stand for something and commit is because they honestly don’t have a clue what they actually believe in.
So yes, I will own the fact that, as a baby boomer parent of millennials I am sounding a tad crotchety in this blog. But hey, at least we boomers show up to the party.