Tomorrow, as I have done for the past five years on November 21st, I will be visiting the resting place of my beloved to honor his (would be) 61st birthday. Each year, like clockwork, this visit to his grave will not be experienced alone, as a most wonderful tradition accompanies it.
At my man’s gravesite ceremony back in July of 2014, one of his former college roommates, a female (think Three’s Company), told me that she had made a promise to him before he passed away. She had promised him that she would remain in my life. Although I barely knew Terri, save for a social gathering with other CalLu alumni and some interactions between us transmitted through my Caring Bridge blog, this special lady cared about him so much that she knew he would want us to be friends. She knew he would want her to look out for me.
As promised, Terri reached out to me that fall, before his November birthday, to coordinate a meeting at the cemetery. I was so happy to have some one-on-one time getting to know her and gladly set up our visit.
You wouldn’t think there would be anything positive about visiting a loved one’s gravesite. For Terri and me, it was an extremely positive experience. Although I was still very emotionally raw that first November 21st birthday, I was happy to have the company. I arrived a half hour before our scheduled visit to place my red roses, affix my love note and photo of us, and to just have some alone time. This also gave me the opportunity to lay face up on his grave while yelling (loudly) out to God, “WHY DID YOU TAKE HIM FROM ME?!?!?” After getting that out of my system, Terri arrived.
There we sat on a big blanket, sharing stories about him and smiling. After about 45 minutes there, we decided to go have lunch. Neither of us knew the area so we just grabbed the first place we found. After all, it wasn’t about the food, it was about getting to know my new friend over a bite to eat.
Over the years we have continued this routine every November 21st. Some years Terri brings photos of their college days to place on his grave. These always invoke funny stories that help me get to know even more about the man I lost to leukemia. We eventually did find a favorite Mexican restaurant that is now our regular haunt on that special day. Each year we share summaries of the highlights of the prior year, including job changes, newfound business ventures, travel experiences, and just chat about life in general (except politics!).
Terri has kept her promise made to her dear friend and the love of my life. She cares about me, and we share a deep love for the person that was taken too soon. I can’t wait to see her tomorrow, and I know he will be smiling down on us both from heaven.